i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize