HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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