You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
