Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
