I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
