I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
