On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize