I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.