I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.