dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
