Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
