I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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