You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
