Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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