Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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