there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
