That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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