I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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