The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
