were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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