I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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