I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She is in my trunk
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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