That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
