He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
