i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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