i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Nicole vs. Life
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
