Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
