It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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