Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
