is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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