just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize