Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
