Having a random hookup so left but love u
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
