My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
