you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
