I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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