The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
