Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
