how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
