it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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