I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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