It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
