conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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