Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
