i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
