What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize