carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize