who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
