Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
