You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
