Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sobbing to NWA
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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