I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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