I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
