OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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