If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
