If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
