My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He uses pillows to masturbate.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
