when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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