She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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