yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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