theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
