It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just invented taco cereal.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
