We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
