she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
