Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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