ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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